|
JroCKerKei
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: nijinaka shokei
Metro: New York City
Gender: Female
Interests: fashion(japanese street fashion mainly)design and making clothes, VISUAL KEI, japan, vocaling, studying japanese, other cultures, and travel
----fav.bands include: fatima(durh), metronome, deadman, doremidan, kagerou, mucc, dir en grey, d'espairs ray, etc...
Expertise: fashion. my singing's still so bad... (<.<) (>.>)
Industry: Entertainment
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  JroCKerKei
MSN: jrockerkei@hotmail.com
Member Since:
4/2/2003
|
|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| So I got an email from "The Xanga Team" saying that they're cleaning out old outdated profiles so new users can have user names that had already been taken. As if I'm letting anyone take "Jrockerkei". As if I'm going to let them erase my blog, erase my past. Not happening. So this is first post in over 2 years. Nice.
| | |
| i've been feeling really blah for the past few days...and i don't know
why. or do i? i dunno...talking to miiko always makes me feel better,
but she went home today. and it's too late to call her now. :/
countdown
on the myspace says FOUR FUCKING DAYS. how insane is that. i'm shaking.
four days until my life changes dramatically: i move to another
country, and have to be responsible for myself, all by myself. no dad
to take care of me. must budget my own money and all such other shit. i dont want to grow up...i hate pressure...
i feel horrible that i still have projects to finish and sell in this small amount of time i have left...i hate pressure.
i
won't be seeing li anymore. which is suck, cause i kinda liked her? but
to know someone for like 4 weeks before leaving ...you could imagine
that was an iffy situation. we probably didn't have much potential, but
i liked being around her regardless((LOL DEJABU ANYONE?! *hinthint*:
justin)). and what's terribly annoying is that i always dream of people
only after i let them go, and as such, saw a frivolous dream of her
tonight. well, i'd dreamt of john while i was with him, but it was much
more frequently during/after the turmoil and drama. i believe i dreamt
of mario at least once after i was like "fuck him". and i had a few
dream of justin after i stopped seeing him. i wonder what that means? i
wish i had my own personal interpreter. dreams are crazy.
since
i'd been broken out of asexuality cause i actually found someone here i
was attracted for the first time in a long long time(i'm toooo picky),
now i really crave it. it's been reeeeaaaally long--and about to be
longer; getting laid in japan is hard.
god, i'm so scared.
i like to plan things to a T--it makes me feel like i'm in control of
my life(though i know im not...). but i have no plans of what i will be
doing while in japan. yes, school. yes, work, once i'm able to. but
what about down-time? will i just whither away? i'm sickeningly social.
i kind of...already miss my friends here; and i havent even left yet.
not to mention, my stomach hurts. ok so, on starting this blog, i felt blah. now i kinda feel like a mess. great. i really wish miiko could've stayed one more day...
i could
read more slash. that's all miiko and i did yesterday xD. but i hate
using Anything as an escape--whether it be drugs, alcohol, sex, movies,
eating, reading...i like to straighten shit out, then enjoy things. i
cannot stand the feeling of indulging in something, only for my problem
to resurface once i come down.
what makes matters worse...i
napped for hours after crashing, since miiko and i pulled an
all-nighter(looking at porn and fanfix). so i'm not tired in the least.
so i know if i try to go to sleep, i'll just stay awake, rehashing all
these things i've just complained about. it's times like these that i
feel really and truly alone. even though i'm pretty sure i'm not. it's
just that when i need SOS and some good consolling but can't get it, it makes me sound like i do right now it's just really bad.
this
turned out really goddamn long. i kinda don't want to stop typing
because there's really nothing else to do but go to bed, which i've
already expressed i do not want to do. JESUS CHRIST. this is most
displeasing.
..................................
..................................
..................................
i can't wait to see Everwood later today. god i suck. | | |
| my birthday was last tuesday. older older older. it was
horrible, to say the least. i was supposed to go out with miiko,
but she came down with something. and i sure wasn't going to go
out alone. i fucking hate being alone on my birthday. like
last year. that was a pretty emo day.
anyway, over the weekend i had a sleepover and invited to some old
friends. it was quite fun--slashy movies, alcohol, pizza,
cake--yknow, what life's really about. haha. i hadn't seen
many of them in long, so it was good to hang again. the next time
i see them will be when they come to visit me in japan...
i've got a countdown on my myspace and it says "16 days left until i
move to japan" now...time's flying. it actually rather depressing
to see the time tick away like that. i mean, i'm incredibly happy
that i'm going, but also extremely sad that i'm leaving everybody.
i really have to finish up my
sale items so i can sell them before i leave. meehhh. two
weeks. and sometime in the future--most likely once i'm in japan,
since i'll have no social life whatsoever, i HAVE TO go on a
blouse-making binge...i have no damn loli blouses to my name.
i feel like sewing. my mind does, but my body doesn't. ah, christ.
anyway, here are a few pics of my suite makotoppoi hair-cut.
| | |
| i'm thinking of doing a "danger" diet. nothing works, really. eating
smaller portions doesn't, exercise(unless you have a 6-month membership
with Bally or a personal trainer/dietician) doesn't, not even not
eating works. my body's just reeeeeeeeaaaaaaaally dumb. so i'm gonna
have to like, get drastic, or some crap. bullemia is bad for the
teeth(and i have great teeth actually), and i REALLY hate the way
bomitting feels. meh...i'll figure something out. maybe i am
anorexic? but then again, they don't know when they have the problem
so maybe not? who knows, who fucking cares what i have. i just really
need to lose weight. 5'5"+110~115(AT MOST)lbs=ideal. i swear in a
month, i will be. being heavy isn't fun.
shitsuxxxxxxxxxxxxx. i'm prepared to live off of slimfast and ex-lax. (-___-)
| | |
| god, i somehow Always fall behind in my journals. but to my
defense, i have no life, so how can i write about something that's not
there! exactly.
the big buzz right now is that i'm going to be showcasing a few designs
for a fashion show next month. i'm really excited! but i've
got sooooo much stuff to make. i'm doing five ensembles: white
goth, goth loli, punk, fruitsy,& casual lolita. but before i
can even start those, i have to finish up five other projects to sell
cause i need money, my winter coat(before winter fckin ends!), And late
xmas gifts. omg...can i do it?
"もちろん！刑はそんなにawesomeだから。♪"
anyway, i'm in a relatively good mood; i like being busy. and in
about 3 months, i'll be starting school in japan. so happy about
that. unluckily i won't be able to stay at my friend's house,
meaning i have to dorm, so money's gonna be pretty tight. but
once i get a job, it should be okay. plus, i've always wanted to
live in japan. so i'm on track.
[[THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH HAS BEEN DELETED BY MY REQUEST. kthxby. :3]]
wow...what a healthy and thorough update. *自慢*
now i leave you with...a picture.
me eyes so red. :o
| | |
|
